Mess Test:

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test:

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blind-fold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream...this could wake a sleeping child.

Grocery Store Test:

Borrow one or two small animals (goats work best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test:

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure all arms stay inside.

Physical Test (Women)

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for nine months. Now remove ten of the beans.

Physical Test (Men)

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment:

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet-training, and a child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never let their children run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you have all the answers.